The Pickup Artist Season 2: Episode Seven

We find out if the final three have what it takes to become profitable while Simeon and friend start the script for “Brokeback Clubbin’.”

Today, Mystery says that a pickup artist can’t call himself a marketer master until he’s able to teach the art to someone else. The friends of the remaining three guys have been flown down and our participants have twenty four hours to teach them the art of pickup and seduction. Pretty much like the final challenge of season one, which makes me wonder what the final challenge will be now.
All three groups of guys make the rounds with a bitchin’ rock clothing store and a hairdresser to give their friends a “PUA Eye for the AFC Guy” makeover.
Matt certainly has his work cut out for him as his best friend is Grizzly Adams and refuses to cut his beard off. I actually don’t think losing the beard is a good idea as the guy has a very fat face, but at least they should trim it into something cool.
Greg’s friend gets one of those HORRIBLE fake tans. As they’re working on their material later, the friend has a hard time smiling. Dude, just take a look in the mirror at yourself with that splotchy tan and you’ll be fighting to keep a straight face.
Matt flips through a workbook of pickup lines / stories with Grizzly and tells him that he is probably thinking “No way any of this stuff works” as he is looking at it. No, I get that impression when I’m watching the guys using that stuff on the show and the women walk away.
A very strange scene starts with Simeon and friend as they “kino” (touch) one another. “This….is called…the trust test,” Simeon’s friend says a little too homoerotically. Sensual music in the background continues to add to the uncomfortable moment. “Do you want to kiss me?” the friend asks. Um….
At that very moment, Matador walks by and waves at Simeon, forcing them to pry apart and sit there looking awkward. Way to go Matador…those two were on their way to winning a Sundance Film award and you ruined it. Bastard.
Here we are at the nightclub and here comes our PSA - No actors, real people. Right…and women are lining up to sleep with me.
Greg’s guy is freezing up, so Mystery allows Greg to come in and coach him on the floor. He preaches confidence, while the friend looks like “Thanks a lot for stating the obvious, jackass.” Greg’s friend actually gets a million dollar opportunity handed to him when a woman opens HIM and comments how he “looks lost,” but the friend doesn’t go anywhere with it. But I know how it is to be taken by surprise like that with nothing to say…if only life had a pause button.
Grizzly is up and freezes up at the club, so Matt flies in to give some pointers. Grizzly opens a three/four set and asks them if they would ever go on the Howard Stern show. He gets ready to dismiss himself when one of the girls asks for his name, accuses him of sarcasm, then playfully hits him. BUT…she has a boyfriend. Goodbye.
Like a chip off the old block, Simeon’s friend attempts to use the “Nobody puts Baby in the corner” line on a girl, but she doesn’t recognize the movie. Okay, it’s now apparent that Dirty Dancing is too old for the current generation of young women, so I think it’s time to retire that line, mmmkay? The friend recovers with another nearby set containing a guy who looks ready to kick his ass, but he manages to get the girl’s number regardless. Simeon IS PLEASED. That gives him the win, putting Greg and Matt on the chopping block.
At elimination, Mystery jumps on Greg for being more of a cheerleader than a coach, saying there’s a difference between “pep talking” and saying “do this, this and this and you’ll get the girl.” Well….Mystery and Matador themselves have been preaching “this, this, this and this” to the guys and have they had a 100% success rate? I don’t care what they say, there is no system or trick that will work 100% of the time on every single girl.
Mystery tells Matt that Grizzly didn’t look like he wanted to be there (he didn’t), that they should have done something cool with the beard (what did I say earlier?) and that Matt should have inspired him more. Matador melodramatically (and uncharacteristically) chews Matt out. So shouldn’t we put Mystery and Matador by those same standards as their students also failed during their first official outing? And those two had longer than 24 hours to boot. Tsk tsk.
Greg makes a last minute play for his passion to teach the art, but it’s not good enough…it’s game over for him. Over his closing monologue, Greg says that he did his best, that his life has been changed for the better and that he’ll continue to allow it to keep changing his life.
Next time it’s the season finale, Simeon vs. Matt! The challenge……to see who can kiss the fastest? Meh.
No, I say we revisit that whole exchange between Simeon and his friend instead. Can we get inside the friend’s head somehow? And can we do it with one of those sweet VH-1 Pop-Up Video effects?