V-Carded! An Twenty-something adult male's struggle with virginity and sexual frustration

I’ve reached the top and am peering over that track downwards….

Well, time is ticking away on my celibacy, we are coming down to it. When I first got thrown TBK’s offer and it really hit home that I was going to have sex, I was a bit panicky. Sort of like how you feel safe in a classroom as you’ve gone unnoticed and suddenly the teacher calls on you.

As time went on I felt nonchalant about the whole thing, as if it were another thing or event in my life. But now that the moment is upon me, that dread is starting to come back. Worrying about whether I’ll be interesting or not, if I will look any “good” or not, etc. Not to mention how many “firsts” there are going to be that evening, whether it’s “firsts in a while” (like a date) or “firsts period.” Let me tell you, reading about the physique of her last stud conquest does not give me the greatest confidence in the world. Maybe even wanting to rethink the whole thing for six months while I put in more effort at the gym.

However, this is NOT an unfamiliar feeling. It took me a little bit to figure out just where I felt this way before. Eventually I remembered…roller coasters.

I used to be frightened of roller coasters as a kid. I would stay behind at the bench while the other people in my party would line up for a ride. Later on, I decided to brave it and step foot on one at Six Flags. You go through several stages of emotion during that time and it’s not entirely unlike the sex situation.

You slowly get enough nerve together to approach the line. You pretend to be brave and step in, but a dread comes over you as more people line up behind you. Unless you want to look like a pussy there is no going back. As the line moves ever so slowly along, you start to feel cool with the situation and not think it’s a big deal….at first. You eventually make your way to the front few rows of the line and you quickly feel that panic returning. You want to turn around now but it’s FAR too late for that.

The moment of truth is here, it’s your turn. You get buckled in the car and the roller coaster makes it’s slow climb to the top of the track. Your heart is pounding out of your shirt and you suddenly curse yourself for ever getting into line. You get to the top and hear the screams of people in the first seats as the cars begin to make their drop. Oh….SHIT. Then it happens…you’re plunging down the track at 60mph and screaming your head off. But as you’re going through baptism by fire you slowly start to realize that despite your screaming…..you’re actually having a blast.

The ride comes to an end and you get out….totally eager and ready for another go.

Ever since that day, I love roller coasters. Well, not so much now - I just can’t see standing in line for two hours for a 60 second ride. But that’s a different story.

It totally sucks feeling this way because millions of people are so freakin’ casual about sex. I hear how people have sex on a frequent basis. Airforce Friend said he could call up several women and have a fun romp in the sack that night. It’s so sad how all of the above is completely a foreign concept to me. So foreign that I would think people would be satisfied with getting laid maybe one every year or two, but I guess not.

But this is for my own good…it is completely ridiculous to be a virgin at my age and I badly, badly need to do this. It’s probably going to be great and after I get the sex over with, I’m going to love it. Like I loved roller coasters once.

Posted August 25th, 2008 in Observations

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