V-Carded! An Twenty-something adult male's struggle with virginity and sexual frustration

People will name off many fantasies of their ideal first date, but somehow I don’t think “Toilet Whores” ever made anyone’s list.

Early Afternoon

Got my dose of irony earlier in the day when TBK contacted me and apologized that she was on her period, leaving the fate of the date open to me. Do we simply reschedule for another night, keep the date and just make it casual, or keep the date and do everything but remove her panties? I still wanted to see her regardless, so I replied that we should keep the date and head back to my place and see where the night takes us…maybe we could watch a movie or something. Getting comfortable with one another before we took it all the way was probably for the best.

But after she replied with her approval, I realize how generic it all was - dinner and a movie - even a home video - was so blaaaaaaah. And what the fuck were we going to watch? Pollyanna? Worse yet, if things did move up into the bedroom regardless, how was I to please her? Couldn’t do oral. Couldn’t have sex. After pondering WWTBKD (”What Would The Beautiful Kind do?”) for a bit, I came up with a solution for the movie situation to make it more interesting. Shortly after, I also figured out what I could still do with her in bed that might turn her on. With only a few hours to go, it was off to the sex shop for a last minute purchase.

Late Afternoon

All afternoon my dick would not stay down and I started getting a very uncomfortable case of blue balls. As I hadn’t masturbated since Friday, it was my body’s way of saying “fuck you!” for disappointing it again with no sex. “Ah fuck it…we’re not having sex anyway and I need a clear head for the date,” I thought. So I decided to toss off and things returned to normal and I felt good and relaxed. They always say toss one off before the date so you last longer later, right? Unfortunately, this would absolutely come back to haunt me later in the evening.

Early Evening

No thanks to Google Maps, after circling the court like a vulture for a few minutes and realizing I was looking for the wrong house number, TBK comes out of her place to wave me down. She was looking as great as I had remembered her. We exchanged pleasantries and she hopped in my car as we move to the first location of the evening. Along the way, conversation went well as she probed me about my musical interests and I probed her about her consultation business. I realized another interesting thing about this date…unlike the original plans nothing was certain and I had no idea what the night held in store for us, which added anticipation.

We got to the restaurant and the snooty hostesses weren’t able to seat us right away, so TBK and I decide to take a walk around the area to kill time. After plopping down on a bench, she took immediate positive notice to my shoes (thank you Mark Nason, you ARE God) and that’s when the topic moved to going back to our plans later that evening.

“We could get popcorn and hit the Blockbuster to rent something…and who knows, we might have a good, normal time. But you and I are NOT normal people. So I think we should pickup some popcorn and check out a different kind of movie store.” I don’t think TBK took the hint at first and she mentioned something about liking cult classic movies. Eventually she got the idea. In case YOU don’t either, I was talking about going to an adult movie store and picking up the cheesiest thing we could find.

The restaurant seated us at last and dinner seemed to go well, though her silence at times caused me worry that I was being a boring date. I also felt myself going blank with an interesting topic at periods. But it always managed to work itself out and we got into an interesting conversation on relationship beliefs and ethics towards the end of the dinner. She mentioned the dissolution of her previous relationship and how it was “for the greater good” that they went their separate ways. Which is exactly my belief, people might cry and whine otherwise (“You stand by someone you love! People work it out! Blah blah blah!”) but sometimes two people are going to be far better off in the long run seeking other options instead of fighting against the inevitable. I’ve watched my friends fall into this trap for years and the result is always the same.

As time went on I was getting a little concerned that we were being too platonic, which is a big problem for guys always ending up in the “friend zone.” But I really hadn’t been in a situation where I could easily kino-escalate (touch), nor was I the best at flirting. We left the restaurant and two young girls was walking in our direction. “Which one would you do?” TBK asked. I gave them a brief glance….eh, frankly they kind of looked too plain, young and identical. I threw out an random answer to the question and TBK mentioned that she was impressed with my choice. Which made me wonder which one I actually picked…

As we turned the corner, I got a more firm answer from TBK on my crazy movie night idea. “My rules are that it’s gotta be interesting and it’s gotta be bloggable,” she replied. I take that as a yes. To the video store!

Mid Evening

Incoming text message:
The Friend: “How’s it going?”
The Virgin: “Fine, and you?” (Sorry buddy, gotta be more specific )

It was one of those evenings where we were hitting red at every single stoplight we were at. The first two video stores I had in mind were both closed (I guess even porn store owners observe Sundays) so we headed into the 24 Hour Pure Pleasure Megacenter located just next door to the second place.

As we approached the store I noticed the sign boasting about a “video arcade.” Huh, foreign concept to me. But I figured TBK could enlighten me. “Hmm…tell me, what is a video arcade? I assume that they have don’t have stuff in there like Super Mario Brothers, right?” TBK giggled and explained that they were private viewing booths that had panels on the sides where you could watch the person in the next booth over.

We looked at toys along the wall - some so large that I wonder if they require a use of a crowbar - then headed to the video section. They had a surprising selection of midget porn, nearly every shelf had some variety of it. What I really wanted was those horrible movie parodies and spinoffs of mainstream movies, but the store clerk said they didn’t have anything like that. TBK held up a movie from the six dollar bargain shelf and sweetly asked “If we don’t find anything else tonight, can we get this?”

I cocked my eye. “Toilet Whores?!? You’re serious?” The title on the box proudly exclaimed “Our pussies get so wet when we get fucked in the bathroom!” which only now makes me realize where she got her next idea from. “And do you have a laptop? I think we should watch it in the bathroom!” As I laughed and agreed I already knew that this was NOT going to be your average first date.

We got up to the counter and TBK noticed the video arcades that the signs outside promoted. After tossing the idea off on me, I told her I was game if we could be in the same booth. Unfortunately, the clerk stopped that idea really fast. “No, NO….can’t let you do that.” Geez, you’re no fun, guy. As we left the place I mentioned to TBK that maybe we should have done it stealth - get two separate booths and just move into the same one when the coast was clear.

Ah well…fuck that jealous guy. We were approaching my place and we had everything on us we needed to make our own video arcade.

Part two to this date is coming Wednesday.

Posted September 1st, 2008 in Women

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